Disappointment

Last week was my first week back at work since my shoulder surgery in October.  I was nervous but also excited to see my coworkers & start earning money again. 

I work at a computer all day, so I was hoping for a smooth go of it. What actually happened was that having my arm hovering over the mouse & keyboard for an extended time caused muscle spasms from my shoulder up the side of my neck.  That was followed by pains like someone was jabbing my shoulder with an ice pick. I did try rearranging things into different positions & finding ways to prop my arm up on the desk, but I wasn’t able to get relief from the constant strain on my shoulder. 

Each day was a little worse than the day before until I was literally fighting off tears all day on Friday. I know everyone is tired of hearing me complain. I’m tired of hearing me complain.  

I woke up Saturday morning feeling like someone had beat me in my sleep. 

Today (Sunday) I’m still very sore from the right side of my neck all the way down to my bicep.  

I have a followup with my Ortho on Tuesday.  I don’t even know what to hope for at this point.  I needed to get back to work but I don’t think I can deal with another tortuous week. I’m so on edge & irritable. My sleep is worse than ever. But when I think of the possibility of another surgery I feel hopeless. I don’t want to start over.  

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